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10. Your ex-boyfriend has a 6-month-old baby.

9. Your ex-boyfriend’s baby momma is insane. Not in an endearing way but the “fit-for-a-straight-jacket” kind of crazy.

8. Your ex-boyfriend used to be in a gang. And he sold drugs.

7. Your ex-boyfriend wants to be a politician.

6. Your ex-boyfriend is a Republican.

5. Your ex-boyfriend probably thinks he is smarter than you, despite the fact that all evidence points to the contrary.

4. Your ex-boyfriend doesn’t have a phone.

3. Your ex-boyfriend likes the kinds of movies you hate. 

2. Your ex-boyfriend cares way more about the way he looks than you care about the way you look, to the point of narcissism and body-building competitions. People who wear flex in speedos for judges are not to be trusted (Why yes, I do recognize that sweeping generalization.)

1. Your ex-boyfriend is not that great of a kisser. You learned to tolerate and adjust but one should not tolerate and adjust with kissing; that’s ridiculous.

*These may apply only to me. Whatever.